The Adventure of Sam the Siamese Cat

So after a long respite, the tales of Artful and his older brother continue. The setting? 1980 or thereabouts (geez..I am really getting up there). The place? Our childhood home in Suffolk, Virginia. The Event? The Adventure of Sam the Siamese Cat.

Our childhood home was built somewhere in the 1950s. I remember it being rather dark (no skylights or anything) and being spread out in a ranch style way. Our house was situated at the end of a cul de sac. A large man-made pond was near the front of the house beyond our patio and front lawn. The back of the house was severely sloped, and the slope ended in the waters of Lake Meade, a large and meandering lake in Suffolk that was dammed off from the Nansemond River. Because of our location, our yard was a breeding ground for wild creatures. There were numerous birds nests, rabbit warrens, gopher holes, and beaver nests situated all around our yard. When we ventured out into the yard or in the neighboring areas, we had to be careful lest we step on a snake. Yes, we had lots of snakes on the property, and I am not just talking about the harmless ones. We were just as likely to run into a water moccasin or a copperhead (BAD snakes) as we were to run into a black snake or a garter snake (good snakes). In addition to the wildlife outside, the warmth of our attic made it an attractive gathering place for squirrels and mice (and the occasional snake, judging from some of the skins that we would find up there).

To combat the growing number of mice in the attic and the basement, my parents tried mouse traps galore, but none seemed to work. They then decided that the only way to defeat the pests was by getting a cat. Now, we had only had one other pet up until this point, Sandy the German Shepherd, who had long since departed the premises. My brother and I were excited over the prospect of getting another animal. We had been quite close to Sandy, and we were glad that our parents were lifting their edict against more pets. The day arrived for picking up the cat. We went to the local A.S.P.C.A. and looked over the offerings. Both my brother and I found cats that we really liked, ones who were friendly and liked us as well. Unfortunately, my parents had decided to get a Siamese cat that was also there.

Have you ever seen “Lady and the Tramp”? Unless you are a rich dowager, you should not get a Siamese cat. At least, that is my opinion.

For my brother and me, however, it did not matter. We were excited over the prospect of getting the cat (any cat). Sam the Siamese (my parents were not terribly creative with their naming of the cat) arrived at our home, and we did everything we could to make sure that the cat was welcome. We put out the cat toys, put him in the litter box to make sure that he knew where it was (in the utility/laundry/furnace room), and made sure that Sam would not irritate our parents in any way. There was one thing we found out, however, rather quickly. Sam was sick. Now, he was not sick in a “dying, poor thing” kind of way. He was sick in a “chronic diarrhea/vomiting” kind of way. It was intestinal, and he had a sensitive stomach. Back then, however, there was no Iams or Science Diet. There was just Purina Cat Chow. We could not adjust his diet to make him feel better, and my parents did not know he was sick. My brother and I thought that, if they knew, he would go away. We, therefore, did everything we could to cover it up. But we were kids..how could we cover it up? I mean, Sam was pooping and vomiting everywhere in the utility room. It was only a matter of time.

The answer came in the form of an old school canister vacuum cleaner. Back in the days before the Oreck XL and the Dyson, vacuums had POWER. They could do anything. You still had to periodically clean out the canister, but otherwise, they could clean anything. We had 2 vacuums in the house: a newer Electrolux that was my Mom’s pride and joy and an older one that was kept-you guessed it-in the utility room.

Yup, my brother and I vacuumed up all evidence of Sam’s intestinal problems. Every…single….TIME….for a week.

Eventually, however, my parents realized that Sam was sick. I think that my brother and I, worried for the health of the poor cat, finally told my parents. My parents were upset that the ASPCA would send a sick cat home to 2 children, so they immediately (over the protestations of my brother and me) took Sam back. Sam was never to return.

Is this the end of the story? No, there is a little postscript. A few months later, our family was doing some spring cleaning. Mom had her Electrolux vrooming in the bedroom areas, so Dad decided to help out with the vacuuming in the common areas by using the older canister vacuum in the utility room..the one that had not been used since my brother and I had vacuumed away the evidence of Sam’s sickness. My brother and I watched silently as Dad wheeled it out, and we both breathed sighs of relief when it started working with no problems. Dad vacuumed for a while before the suction started to give out in the vacuum. Dad muttered something under his breath, and my brother (as smooth as can be) asked “Dad, what is wrong with the vacuum?” Dad responded that this old one would get clogged with dust regularly, and this was the reason why they had purchased the Electrolux and then….

My brother and I watched in silent horror as Dad proceeded to unscrew the housing cover for the canister, dip his hand into the capture area, and clean out the area. Did my brother an I say anything?

What do you think?

Did Dad figure it out? Let’s just say that my brother and I learned a lot about the masking qualities of vast amounts of dust and particulate matter.

You may commence with the dry heaving….now.