Dear Idiot Socializing Fat People at the Gym:

You annoy me. You piss me off. I mean, there I am, trying to get my plump ass back into shape and you are standing around right in my line of sight talking and conversing loudly for 20 FREAKING MINUTES!! Don't you know how distracting you are to someone trying to concentrate on exercise? Don't you realize that there is such a thing as personal boundaries? Don't you know how BAD YOU SMELL? Sheesh. It is not as if TALKING is any great form of exercise.

Here's a hint for you: the "club" in health club is NOT the same thing as the "club" in dance club. People are here to train and workout, NOT socialize for hours. Sure, you can socialize, but try to do it away from the workout floor where people are trying to get a workout in and stay in their zone. Here's ANOTHER hint for you: people do not like having to squeeze past your smelly selves. WHY DO YOU PLANT YOURSELVES IN THE MIDDLE OF A WEIGHT ROOM THOROUGHFARE? MOVE!!!! And, finally, hint #3: if you really wanted to get in shape, you would know that one of the goals in a workout is to maintain an elevated heart rate for a sustained period of time. TALKING DOES NOT DO THIS-well, unless the conversation makes you angry. Neither one of your smelly selves seemed to be mad.

Please take note of this, and move your smelly selves out of the way for the good of everyone around you, but especially for the well-being of my plump ass sweating oh so hotly on the machine right next to you.

Sincerely,

Artful