The Artful Mom

Imagine, if you will, a young woman from South India. She meets the man of her dreams at the tender age of 23 and is married to him at the tender age of 24. He is 28, quiet but respectful. He has dreams of escaping the provincial life that would be his as a mountain top physician in India. Raised on films from the West, he knows that his best chances for success would be time spent in either England or the United States as a physician. She is close to her family-extremely close, and the two families are at odds with one another soon after the wedding. She knows that if they stay in India, their marriage would be in jeopardy. Her husband hatches a plan to go to the United States to escape the family in-fighting. She acquiesces. In December, less than a month before they are to depart, she finds out that she is pregnant. She knows that her father, a powerful attorney for the Indian government, would not let her leave if he knew this. She confides in her mother, who keeps the secret.

The couple embark on their journey to the United States. The wife cries the entire flight, homesick for the only place she has ever known. Her husband tries in vain to comfort her, but he is worried as well. He only knows that they have temporary positions. He has no idea of where they will be living or what to expect. All he knows is that she is his responsibility.

On a snowy January day, the couple reach Friendship Airport in Baltimore, MD. All they have with them is a small suitcase with some clothes and clothes hangers as well as $40 between them. There is no one to meet them at the airport, so they have to call their employer to ask what to do. Slowly, they start to adapt to the culture. Every day, the couple fights and every night, she cries herself to sleep. She is only 24, pregnant, in a strange country with a man she has only known for less than 2 years. There is no family around to support her during her pregnancy and no friends for that matter. Furthermore, she is a working physician who is putting in many long hours. This is the 1960s, before maternity leave was a part of the lexicon. The women's lib movement was just gaining steam. The wife is oblivious to all of this, for all she knows is her husband, her job, the child that is growing in her belly, and the loneliness that is being in a strange place without the support system she grew up with.

Time goes on, and she gives birth to a beautiful baby boy. However, the wife (now mother) is worried. After all, she does not know who to trust with her most precious thing in the entire universe. She has found a lot of joy in her baby boy, but her job as a working physician in the 1960s does not allow her the luxury to stay at home with her son (something that would be a completely different story today). There are news stories about depraved babysitters drugging babies to keep them quiet, and she fears for her child's safety. With her only thought being the safety of her child, she makes a decision that will haunt her for the rest of her life. She bundles up her 6 week old child, the most precious thing she has, and sends him on a plane to the waiting arms of her parents. She cries for weeks, and her husband comforts her. The sadness brings them closer together, and now she has a reason to work. She wants to get to the point where she can bring him back as soon as possible. Two long years later, that finally happens.

Her heart is broken over and over as her little boy hardly knows her. With time, however, that changes. She still regrets the lost time. Imagine, in this time before video recorders, missing your child's first steps, first words, first EVERYTHING. Her heart aches when she thinks about this, and she finds the greatest joy in hugging her little boy. She and her husband still talk of moving back to India eventually. Another child arrives, and this time the wife can spend time with him. She has made a life in the US, with friends who care for her. During her pregnancy, however, her husband has to return to India, for his father is deathly ill. The husband struggles with his decision, for he knows that he should stay with his pregnant wife. However, she is not the helpless person she seemed to be when they arrived 3.5 years ago. She is stronger. She insists that he go to his father's bedside. Her boy becomes the man of the house, and she endures a summer without her husband and pregnant. He comes back in time for the birth of her second son, and the family is complete. She is strong, and she has so many friends. She is gratified to find that her older son is SO protective of his little brother (something that would continue well into adulthood).

While struggling with a new culture and so many challenges with a new marriage, she has found success in her career. The family decides to stay in the United States and becomes citizens. The wife and mother starts a solo family practice in a small town in Virginia in an area that needs primary care physicians. She runs the household, she runs her office, and she is always there for her kids whenever they need her.

The years roll by. Her husband has a successful career as a surgeon, working longer hours than she, but she takes care of everything (the household, the kids and her own career) without complaint. Her oldest boy graduates at the top of his high school class and goes on to a top college and medical school. He does his residency at yet another top school and becomes a successful specialist in Chicago. Her younger son also graduates from a top school and becomes, for a time, a career student before finding his calling as an attorney (also in Chicago). She is there every step of the way, supporting both kids with her time and advice. At the same time, her medical practice is thriving. Over the years she sees her patients, the kids of her patients, and then the grandkids of her patients. The baby wall in her office (that bulletin board of the pictures of babies she has treated in the womb and out) is overflowing with stories. Her husband retires and repays her by taking care of HER and letting her focus on her work while he cooks, cleans and takes care of the family finances.

Finally, after 32 years as a solo practitioner, she decides to retire and enjoy her remaining years in happy retirement with her soulmate. To her, he is still the quiet, respectful man she fell in love with 43 years ago. Her children are happy and successful, and that is what gives her the greatest contentment. She has lived her life for the three men in her life, and without her, the three men would have been nothing. She has been the most amazing role model, the perfect image of the independent woman combined with wife and mother. True, she still has regrets. She sees her older boy and visualizes him as the 6 week old that she sent away, and her heart aches still. She sees that her sons live far away, and she wishes that were not the case.

On the whole, however, looking at the life of this woman, I challenge anyone to say that she did not live the most amazing and fulfilling life. To this day, she is still full of life and smiles for all who cross her path, and I cannot believe my fortune sometimes in having her as my mom.

So as she prepares to retire this December, I thought it important to share her story. The story SO FAR, that is. Isn't it amazing? Isn't SHE amazing? I think so.