Tips on Getting Tips from the Artful Blogger

We have all been there-dining out with cheapskate friends who think nothing of running their waiter or waitress ragged and then neglects to leave any tip or-much worse-leaves something akin to loose change, believing that such monies pass as acceptable tips. I always cringed when I witnessed their actions. Wait staff (well, most of them, anyway) work hard for their money. They carry the food, bus the tables, refill our drinks, and bring us our check. They also listen to our myriad of demands for changes within the dishes that we order. In my life, for the most part, I have been lucky in that I have had good service when dining at restaurants. At the same time, I must mention that I am courteous and polite to the staff, never ordering them around or barking orders at them. They are people to and deserve the same respect that I would give my supervisors at work (something that the Artful parents instilled in me). The same goes for when I ride in cabs. For the most part, I am polite to my cab drivers and engage them in conversation about Chicago sports, whether it is a busy night for them, and what the tourists are doing in Chicago on a particular evening. As with wait staff, I am usually pretty generous about tipping in cabs.

In both cases, however, I have noticed that there are times where I really DO NOT WANT TO TIP ANYTHING. Poor service by itself is inexcusable, yet we have been conditioned to automatically tip for wait service and for cab service. So here is my list of "dos and don'ts" for wait staff and cab drivers for getting good tips from me:

Wait Staff:

• Refill my drink with stealthy skill. If my soda is constantly being replenished in a manner where I do not notice the staff, that is amazing. These skillful individuals ALWAYS get an excellent tip from me.
  

• Stop by to see if everything is OK with the meal. Do NOT just save these visits for when we JUST get the meal-at that time, we have not had a chance to partake and determine if everything is to our satisfaction. Check back periodically and do not disappear for long periods of time.

• Pay attention to the needs of your customer. This Monday, my brother and sister-in-law took me to dinner to thank me for taking care of their awesome dog Pepper for the week (I really miss the dog now). While there, my sister-in-law wanted to order dessert to go, and we settled on an ice cream concoction. The waitress assured us that it would be packed and would make the 10 minute trip to my place with ease. She dropped off the dessert...and disappeared. No check came out. We waited for 5 minutes..then 10 minutes...then 15 minutes...at which time she stopped by our table to drop off our check. She then proceeded to disappear for ANOTHER 15 minutes-knowing that we had FREAKING ICE CREAM for take out. She should have been more aware-it is not that hard to close out a check and come back to check on payment. Epic FAIL for her.
  

Cabbies:

• CLEAN YOUR CABS. Nothing is worse than being stuck in a cab with the windows shut with a cabbie who has not bathed since 1998. I am talking NAUSEATING. Either that or make sure the windows are rolled down....no, just bathe....PLEASE.
  

• DO NOT TALK ON YOUR PHONE-I do not care if you do not talk to ME so long as you just pay attention to your freaking job! You have one thing to do-get me from point A to point B safely and efficiently. Remember that!
  

• Get there faster. You might think that you are pulling one over on me, but I know my way around Chicago in whatever state I may be in. Last night, I met the Namby Pamby out for drinks after work and haled a cab to get home. After I gave the cabdriver my address, he proceeded to turn left and head towards Michigan Avenue. At that point, I knew that he was NOT getting a good tip, for there is another street that he had to CROSS where, if he had taken it, I would be home much faster, as that street has 1/4 the number of lights and twice the speed limit. Furthermore, the cabdriver made his way gingerly through the streets in an OBVIOUS bid to catch some RED LIGHTS. Umm...no, I am trying to get some place as fast as possible. DO NOT PULL THAT BS ON ME. At one point, we were behind a car in the left lane and the right lane was open. By this time, I was HOT. I knew this guy was trying to gyp me and I said, out loud, "FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!!". Amazingly, the cabdriver rediscovered the gas pedal and zoomed all the way home. Nerts to him, though. Rather than the $3-6 tip I usually give based on speed of travel, he was allowed to keep the 50 cents left over when I handed him $7 for a $6.50 bill. AND he did not drop me off in front of my building near the door (2 car lengths away).