I Don't Do Super Bowl Parties

For the most part, I do not enjoy parties at all. I have a bad habit of committing to things and then, as soon as I do so, I try everything in my power to get out of them. Being a patent attorney helps in these situations, as there is always some deadline that I actually have to meet. Usually, however, these deadlines occur during weekdays, so I am stuck with the weekend get togethers. Or am I?

Since I purchased my condo, I have had a lot of people over to see it and to hang out. This is making up for a lot of lost time, for when I lived at my old place, I hardly ever had people over. I lived in a small "garden apartment", i.e., the basement of a house. The ceilings were low, and there never seemed to be enough room for me let alone anyone else. I hated (HATED) the bathroom. It was a tiny closet compared to what I have now.

So upon moving to my condo, I started invited people over. It seemed like the right thing to do. After all, they had always been so kind because they always invited me over to their places when I did not have the ability to reciprocate. Now, however, most of the people that I would have over have BEEN over. I am over the whole "have a gathering at my house" bug, especially after the last one where 2 of my expensive wine glasses were shattered.

That still leaves me with the problem of not having to attend other people's gatherings. My M.O. usually is to start out "out of sorts" and to fade into the background of gatherings to listen to what other people say. I then find an opening and join in the conversation. At the same time, my desire to go out has diminished greatly within these last few months because I LOVE being at home. It is all MINE. I love it. I spend so much time at work that I hardly ever get to spend a lot of quality time at home. I have no roommates, and my neighborhood is QUIET. My place is clean (well, most of the time...there is usually some sort of clutter), and I love the solitude. I am flattered that people invite me to gatherings, but nowadays it takes something special (such as the Chicago visit of Katie from Overflowing Brain) to make me want to "emerge from my cave", so to speak.

What does this have to do with anything? Well, this weekend is the Super Bowl. This weekend is the last real fun party weekend for another month (Oscars parties). Everyone gathers to watch the commercials and the big game. The spectacle is the thing, and the Super Bowl has become the champion among sports championships. A one-off winner take all in professional sports. No best of seven series. No arbitrary selection of participants (hello, BCS). No-this is The Game. People plan for their Super Bowl parties. They have mounds of food, lots to drink, and lots of guests.

I hate it all except for the game.

Since the 1996 game (Packers/Patriots), I have only attended 2 Super Bowl parties. I did not have a great time at either one of them. Why? Because there were a lot of non-football fans gathered who were inconsiderate of those of us who live and die by the happenings of the NFL. These are the people who insist on socializing and talking during the game itself yet have the temerity to "Shuuush" people when the freaking COMMERCIALS are on.

WTF??????????

Now, since that 1996 game, I paid attention to how much fun I had during Super Bowls. I have found that 80% of the time, I really enjoyed the Super Bowls. That means 8 out of 10 times, I had a good time. Can you guess the 2 times where I wished I was by myself? Yup. Those would be the Super Bowl parties. I have fond memories of:

1) John Elway and Terrell Davis willing the Broncos to victory against a Packers team to whom everyone had essentially awarded the championship. It was a knock down drag out fight. I remember Davis leaving with a migraine during the 2nd quarter, in incredible pain. I remember how the Broncos looked vulnerable. I then remember Davis' triumphant return during the second half and how he kept pounding at the Packer defensive line until they were too tired to stand. It was one of the closest Super Bowls of the previous 14 years, and it was the first time in 14 years that an AFC stood triumphant over an NFC team. It was the saving of the legacy of John Elway, a player I despised (but I still had to respect his tenacity).

2) John Elway's MVP performance in the next Super Bowl and how he retired soon after. This game was not as close, but it was a lot of fun to watch.

3) The Greatest Show On Turf (the Rams offense) led by a former grocery store shelf stocker versus the hard hitting Tennessee Titans of Eddie George and Steve "Air" McNair. I remember the Titans being down by 10 points and then rallying to tie it up with 2:12 left and the announcing talking Overtime. I remember Kurt Warner (the aforementioned store stocker) unleashing a 73 yard bomb on the next possession that found a home in the waiting arms of the speedy Isaac Bruce to put the Rams ahead again. I also remember an incredible drive by the Titans, one which featured an amazing escape from a surefire sack by the fleet-footed Steve McNair. I remember his pass to Kevin Dyson and how Dyson was stopped one foot short of the goal line on the last play of the game. Sigh...THAT, my friends, is a Super Bowl.

4) The 2000 Super Bowl featured my Ravens and was one of the 2 parties I attended within the last 10 years. It was a church party in Baltimore, and my friends had strong armed me into attending. It was all right, but the truth is, very little of the game has stayed with me. I blame the party.

5) My first Super Bowl in Chicago was spent watching the Patriots versus the Rams. A little known QB named Tom Brady led the Patriots to a 20-17 win against a Rams team that was a heavy favorite. I saw Kurt Warner rally his team and tie it up. I also saw a cool and composed Brady go under center with less than 2 minutes left and drive towards field goal range. I remember Adam Vinatieri drilling the field goal that won the Patriots their first of 3 titles this decade. I also remember that Super Bowl as the one that had U2 as the halftime show, the Super Bowl post 9/11. It was amazing and completely memorable WITHOUT a party.

6) The storyline for the 2002 Super Bowl was Jon Gruden versus his old team, the Oakland Raiders. Gruden knew that offense like no one did, and he spent the week preparing his team to face the Raiders. It was not even close, as Rich Gannon broke the Super Bowl record for interceptions in the face of the Buccaneers relentless pass defense. In his first year in Tampa Bay, fortune had smiled on Gruden by giving him the Raiders as an opponent. Would the Bucs have had such an easy time with another AFC team? One wonders. This Super Bowl was also the first one that I watched on my then-new 42 inch widescreen TV. I had the best seat in the house-on my sofa watching the game. Awesome.

7) The 2003 and 2007 Super Bowls are the most memorable in my book. 2003 featured the return of Tom Brady and the Patriots facing a team that had entered the league a mere 8 years prior to that. The Panthers had ridden Stephen Davis, their powerful running back, to the Super Bowl. Indeed, the Panthers were seen as a one trick pony. No one thought that Jake Delhomme, the former back-up in New Orleans, could lead a team if it came down to a shootout. I distinctly remember watching the first half; the Patriots stopped Davis, and the Panthers looked as if they did not belong. I saw the frustration building on Delhomme's face, as it looked as it he was wilting under the hot lights of the Super Bowl. Ahh....but when the second half started, Delhomme started leading his team. I witnessed this quarterback, who as much as anyone relied on the running of Davis, carry his team on his back with his leadership in the huddle and his AMAZING passes. The second half turned into a shoot-out, with Brady and Delhomme trading TD passes. With less than 2 minutes left, Delhomme tied up the score with a long bomb to Mohammed. If not for an errant kickoff by John Kasey, the Panthers normally surefire kicker, Vinatieri might not have been able to kick his second Super Bow game winner. It was an exciting game, and I loved watching Delhomme's transformation on this stage. Magical.

8) New England versus Philadelphia was memorable only because of the fact that Philly really should have won the game. The reason that they lost? Poor conditioning on the part of Donovan McNabb. McNabb spent most of the 4th quarter dehydrated and slow. When the Eagles should have been in a hurry up, the tempo was slower than usual because McNabb was throwing up in the huddle and having a hard time catching his breath.

9) Pittsburgh v. Seattle: one of the WORST Super Bowls ever. The game looked as if there were 2 junior college teams duking it out, and the officiating was horrible, no doubt swayed by all of the terrible towels swirling in the stadium. A true yawner.

10) Indianapolis versus Chicago: the OPPOSITE of Jake Delhomme = Rex Grossman. When given the opportunity to help his team win, he actually handed the Colts the victory with his picks. Most of them were "what the heck was he thinking" throw. The Bears defense took away the big play for the most part save for one early long TD pass; they kept the game close. I always wondered what would have happened if Lovie Smith had benched Grossman during the 3rd quarter...

11) New England versus the New York Giants: wow-just wow. First of all, I DID attend a gathering of people at the behest of my friends. They were very kind in making sure that I had a great seat and even saved my spot for me. This game was remarkable because, once again, I saw a QB come of age. My respect for Eli Manning grew immensely that night, and where most parties had people talking and mixing, the 3rd and 4th quarter of THIS game was marked by people WATCHING THE GAME IN STUNNED SILENCE. It was magical. I am so fortunate to have watched the most amazing play in Super Bowl history unfold live. Manning surrounded by a blitzing Patriots defense...almost going down...staying upright and scrambling....finding David Tyree down the center of the field....unleashing a missile that was WAAAY over Tyree's head, and Tyree's amazing leap....Tyree keeping the ball glued to his helmet as Rodney Harrison tried to wrest control of the ball away from him on the way down. Catch. Wow. Manning led his team winning score with less than a minute left. Not enough time for Brady, who had been PUNISHED all day by the Patriots defense. An amazing game. A unique situation.

So out of these last 11 games, I have been to 2 gatherings. I prefer to watch it on my own, taking in the coaching strategies, finding out clues from the coordinators, and dissecting the battle...er..GAME plan. It does not matter whether I have a rooting interest in a team-what I am looking for is that moment where a player makes the difference...Jermaine Lewis in 2000...Brady and Vinatieri in 2001...Delhomme in 2003...Manning in 2007...THOSE are the moments that I seek. I love to analyze these things WITHOUT distraction. And to all of you who say "football takes so long between plays that you can have conversation and not miss anything", I say that you are not real NFL fans. Call me one day when you, too, actually strategize when you play Madden on your gaming system. Let me know when you look at the chalk talk or if you wake up at 5 AM to watch the best NFL show on TV, the Edge NFL Match-up.

Until then, I can be found on my sofa, with a roaring fireplace beneath my NEW mammoth HDTV, immersed by Dolby Digital 5.1 and a 1080i picture with the best seat in the house.

Enjoy the game!